When a parent starts to need help with money, bills, or medical decisions, the natural question is “how do I get Power of Attorney?” The answer surprises a lot of families: you don’t get it *over* your parent — your parent grants it *to* you. That one distinction shapes everything else.
The rule that comes first: your parent has to set it up
A Power of Attorney is created by the person it’s about — the principal. Only your parent can sign one, and only while they still understand what they’re signing. You cannot go to a court or an office and be handed authority over a competent adult who hasn’t agreed to it. So the real task isn’t “getting” anything — it’s helping your parent put the right document in place, willingly, while they still can.
Step by step
- Have the conversation early. Frame it as protection, not loss of control. If you’re weighing whether it should even be you, read should you be your parent’s Power of Attorney.
- Decide which powers. Financial (a durable financial Power of Attorney), medical (a healthcare Power of Attorney or directive), or both. Most families do both.
- Use the right form for their state. Requirements vary by state; a valid form is essential. The POA Handbook walks through your state’s version in plain English.
- Sign it correctly. Many states require notarization, witnesses, or both — see does a Power of Attorney need to be notarized.
- Store it and share copies with the people and institutions who’ll need it.
What if your parent can no longer understand the document?
This is the hard one. Signing a Power of Attorney requires mental capacity — your parent has to understand what they’re authorizing. If dementia or illness has progressed past that point, it’s usually too late for a Power of Attorney, and the path becomes guardianship or conservatorship through the court instead. It’s slower and more involved, which is exactly why setting up a Power of Attorney early matters so much. See Power of Attorney vs. guardianship.
After it’s signed, you still may not act yet
A durable Power of Attorney can be effective immediately or only “spring” into effect when your parent is incapacitated — it depends on the document. Know which yours is before you try to use it: durable vs. springing Power of Attorney.
Helping a parent set this up is one of the most loving, practical things you can do. To learn the whole role — not just the paperwork — the POA Caregiver Program covers it from the first conversation to the final handoff.
_This article is plain-English education, not legal advice. Power of Attorney law varies by state, and reading it does not create an attorney–client relationship. For guidance on your specific situation, talk with a licensed attorney in your state._