It’s a painful situation and a surprisingly common one: your brother or sister holds your parent’s Power of Attorney, won’t tell you what’s going on with the money, and something feels off. You’re not powerless. Here’s how to think it through and what you can actually do.
First, separate suspicion from proof
Not every closed door is abuse. An overwhelmed sibling may just be disorganized or defensive. But secrecy plus control plus resistance to any questions is a genuine warning sign. The goal is to get clarity, calmly, before it becomes a war.
Your rights as family
An agent owes a fiduciary duty to your parent — to act in their interest, keep their money separate, and be able to account for it. Depending on your state, certain family members (and a court) can request an accounting — a record of what the agent has done with the money. Asking for one, in writing, is reasonable and often clarifying.
Steps you can take
- Ask directly and in writing for a summary of income, expenses, and decisions.
- Talk to your parent if they still have capacity — it’s ultimately their choice who serves.
- Request a formal accounting if informal answers don’t come.
- Escalate if you suspect exploitation. Adult protective services, and in serious cases the police or an elder-law attorney, exist for exactly this. You don’t need to be certain to raise a concern through the proper channel.
Protecting your parent is the point
Keep the focus on your parent’s wellbeing rather than winning against a sibling — it keeps you credible and keeps them safe. Our guide on managing someone else’s money explains the duties every agent is held to, and a Private POA & Caregiver Consultation can help you plan a careful next step.
This article is plain-English education, not legal advice. Power of Attorney law varies by state, and reading it does not create an attorney–client relationship. For guidance on your specific situation, talk with a licensed attorney in your state.